(above) My mother Caroline enjoying one of her favorite hobbies.
When I look at old photos of my mother I often wonder if she ever judged herself as harshly as some women do. To me my mother was my mother. I never noticed her weight or her nose or wrinkles because I only saw her heart. I never heard my mother ever state anything about not accepting her physical attributes. Only once in her last years she stated to me about how she realized some hair grew abruptly without her knowledge. She told me about some funny waxing adventure with her and another of my sister's. She asked me if I knew of a solution. Being always a tom-boy I can tell you I did not then nor do I today.
I always wished more for my mother. When I would visit she would read me a new poem she wrote and regale tales of her cats but in my early twenties I pitied her. "She should want more from life than being cooped up all day in her house in solitude awaiting a visitor" I'd often think to myself.
Now in my thirties I sit at home in my solitude focusing on a hobby or blog soaking in the peace. It's moments like this I long for . Days with nothing more on the agenda then then to make tea and breathe the cool spring air.
Even with her absence I still learn from her. It's hard sometimes to appreciate just existing and relishing the days when we don't have an off-set in our thoughts. My mother was at times the definition of Zen. She taught me there are more important things than looks and material things do not bring you peace of mind. She was happy just being. As I find myself making peace & tying ends I still try to imbue her ability to appreciate every small thing. I know as I get older I will understand even more lessons.
When I would visit she would always brag about how intelligent, fearless, tender-hearted and independent I was. She was always fascinated that I was learning Spanish and got a scholarship for college. Lastly, before I left, she would tell me how pretty I was because between the two of us we knew other things were more important. The of course she'd give me a big hug and tell me how much she loved me.
(Left) My mother at the lake in her sister's old bathing suit.
Happy Mother's Day!
xo-Cheriebobomb
xo-Cheriebobomb