What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

When I was a little girl with pigtails and a red hooded jacket playing rugby, I wanted to be an astronaut.
A few years later at age 6 I decided I wanted to be President of the United States of America.
Then I changed occupational goals to Scientist until I had to dissect a frog in 7th grade.

Sometime around age 9  I began to gain weight, a love of newts, an unforgettable mullet haircut, & puberty.

A growth spurt hit. While rehearsing for the play Mame, a fellow thespian Scott pointed out you could see my chest through my shirt. I was not as embarrassed by the things taking over my chest as I was inconvenienced. I hated bra shopping, clothes-shopping, and don't even get me started on makeup. Unconcerned with boys as much as my classmates, I focused my time writing an unseen screenplay for "Saved By the Bell" and became a vegetarian pursuing archaeology.

My story is most likely standard for tomboys everywhere. I was more interested in playing "Golden Eye" and drinking hot Natural Ice with my guy friends than finding a boyfriend. I was more interested in skateboarding, tagging structures, making music than wasting my life perusing "Hot Topic" for a trendy shirt to peacock. Some assumed I was a lesbian because I was not like other girls who spent hours shopping, dressing, tweezing or shaving to get male attention. It was the 90s & grunge was popular; it was so easy to get away with dressing comfortably. After Kurt Cobain's death, grunge lost it's luster for me. I found out that dreads were a thing and quickly chose "Hippie" as my fashion religion.

I thrived being the outcast rebelling against gender roles, societal expectations, and people who told me I couldn't.

When did I let external pressures finally collapse me from the inside?
When did I decide to shrink my esteem, my goals, and myself to fit inside a tiny box?
When did I start to give af?

It wasn't merely one event, but rather a myriad of insidious seeds planted throughout my existence, but at what point did I willingly succumb to them?

I still haven't figured it out completely; perhaps I never will.

Stay true to yourself.
Don't let the bastards get you down.
xo Cheriebobomb